The Chaos

How can life be wildly loud and lonely, at the same time?

How can there be so much movement, but no action?

How can one be lost, but surrounded by a crowd?

How do you survive the chaos when it feels like it is eating you alive?

… I do not have the answers. But this is my reality.

Seasons like this remind me of a wild ride at the fair. The type of ride that spins you around and upside down – at the same time. The type of ride that looks fun, until you are stuck in the air, mid-ride – waiting for it to be over. Barely even enduring it. There is so much overstimulation of the senses. This is NOT my favorite.

I know that there is a God who sees. I have faith that plan B has a redemptive ending. I choose to hold on one more day, waiting with my eyes shut tight for His tangible hand to be extended in grace.

I choose the chaos… this is my life.

 

in the quiet

in the quiet, i am scared.

in the quiet, i don’t what i’m doing or which way to go.

in the quiet, I want to retreat.  i want to give up and go home.  i want to throw in the towel  – and walk away.

in the quiet, i don’t want to be fettered to something bigger than me.

it is lonely and cold on the outside of a plan.  when life chews me up and spits me out, it is incredibly uncomfortable.  God, what will you ever do with my broken heart and shattered dreams?

God, be with me.